Emerging from the Chrysalis

I'm in this pocket of life now, that still feels like the chrysalis. But also like the first stage of an emergence.

I'm feeling that familiar pull to share again. Open myself to the world. Write. Express. Let myself out. Live freely and openly. Really be who I've always been.

Isn't this what I've always wanted?

And still the fear.

I don't belong in the world. I've always known this. And the Course has given me a deep understanding of this knowing. A liberating, burst-out-of-my-skin and rejoice kind of knowing.

I've never belonged here. Does everyone know? We don't talk about this.

This feeling we have that the world doesn't make a lick of sense. What's the point?

And the Course validates this. There's no point, it says. Stop trying to make sense of it.

I went through so much to get here. I knew my people had to be out there.

Others who questioned everything.

And in my own way, I never stopped searching for them. Searching for my Truth.

As I sit here today, in this moment, I feel liberated.

I feel like I am at the stage of my spiritual journey where I cannot unsee what I've seen.

I cannot unknow what I know.

There's no turning back into the world now.

I am in the world, but not of the world. As they say.

So what comes next?

I moved into the chrysalis at some point. College?

And now at age 37, I think I'm shuffling around in there.

Seeing a little sliver of light peeking through.

The world is calling to me.

Preparing me for an emergence as I AM.

What will this look like? Who will stick around? What will I do? Who will I be?

I can feel my wings, I know they're there.

But inside the darkness of the cacoon that's nurturing me, I still can't see them.

I have yet to learn of their pattern and their color.

I cannot yet sense my wingspan.

And this frightens me.

But I think I might know...

That it's all beautiful.